Same crap, different day

So its been kinda crazy. My pain has been BAD. Pretty much just trying to get through each day.

Since my last post I had a birthday. I turned 18 on valentines day. My grandparents were in town for my birthday which was awesome. I got my grandmas clock that just brings back so many memories. Really excited about that. Today in the mail I got gel nail stuff from my auntie! Super excited to try it. Really needed that pick-me-up.

Today seems to be destined to be another day filled with mind numbing pain. I can't think or concentrate at all. All that registers is PAIN. I just want some relief. Sorry I can't write more but the pain is taking over. Bye for now.

Endo and Relationships

Maintaining a relationship with any chronic illness is a challenge. Pretty much impossible if the other party has no interest in the relationship. In which case you really don't need them in your life. If they aren't interested and invested in keeping your relationship strong and growing despite your health then they don't really care about you as a person. If they don't care about you as a person then what's the point of having them in your life?

Just like she says "if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." The true friends and the people that you want to fill your life with are those that are going to be there at your highest high AND your lowest low. They will stick with you no matter what. These people are a blessing. Most only have a few they can really count on. I am very blessed and have many.

Our family 2011

Mom's side 2011

I have a BIG family. Both of my parents come from families with six kids. On mom's side there's 17 grandkids, me being the oldest and the favorite ;). I'm very close to my mom's side of the family especially my mom and her sisters. They were some of my first and truest friends.

Janelle and Micheal

 First there's Aunt Nell. She has been incredibly supportive since my diagnosis. She also understands my pain, although I wish she didn't. She also has endometriosis. Her and I have a special bond because of our common struggle. I also blame her for getting me hooked on ATVs, she's the one who introduced me to them. Unfortunately because of geography we don't get to spend much time together but we talk frequently. I can ask any of my aunts absolutely anything but that is especially true with Janelle.

Lacee and Connor

Lacee and I aren't as close as me and my other aunts but we're still pretty close. I helped take care of her son since he was 6wks old until he was about 6m old and they moved away. She has always been honest with me when I asked questions, even if it wasn't the answer I wanted. She has always treated me as a sister instead of a niece, maybe because we're only like 14yrs apart.

Molly and Jason

My Aunt Molly and I are like sisters. She was the youngest and didn't have anyone to pick on until I came along. Growing up Molly always had a carseat for me in her car as well as anything else I might need. I remember always going to the nail salon or the mall with her. She'd often get asked if I was her's since we look so alike.  We definitely have that sisterly bond. When I stay with her I steal her clothes :)

Mom & Dad on their motorcycle ride- May 2014

 Mom and I had a rocky start and its been kinda bumpy ever since. We are very close. I tell my mom pretty much everything. BUT we're so much alike that we often clash and butt heads. Seriously we are carbon copies of each other. Half the time we get ready to go somewhere and haven't talked or seen each other, yet when we walk out we're dressed pretty much the same and our hair is very similarly done. Mom and mine relationship regarding my endo is complicated. She is my biggest advocate and I believe the reason I was diagnosed in the first place. BUT sometimes she thinks she understands my pain but I don't think she does. She pushes me and I push right back. My endo and her pushing me to get my old life back are the causes of many fights. I know she just want the best for me but its so frustrating to constantly being pushed to do better. I just want to go at my pace in recovery. Yes, sometimes I need that push. Sometimes I get too comfortable in one place. It's a balancing act that we haven't quite perfected yet.

 I am a daddy's girl. Always have been, always will be. When I had my first kiss I told my dad and made him tell mom. His response was just "Bout time!".  My dad is the one who's teaching me how to drive. Brave man ;) What else can I say? I mean he's my dad.

Prom 2014

And then there's my Sam. My health had already gone downhill when we met but I was doing pretty good. I was pretty close to  a normal life. When my health really went to pretty much non existent I was so sure he'd run. What 17yr old boy wants a sick girlfriend? I couldn't go to school, go and do fun things that I used to. Long story short, he stuck around. Me being sick has made us so much closer. We've gone through things that most marriages don't survive. We haven't let my endo stop us from doing the normal high school things. Instead of going to dances we do our own thing at my house. Then if I need to take meds I can and its not a big deal. He now can read my body language and knows when I'm hurting even if I try to hide it. I honestly don't know where I'd be without him.

Now these are some of the "success" stories. Not all of my relationships have made it through the endo storm. I can't count how many friends I've lost because I can't go and do things. It has driven a wedge between my brother and I. He doesn't understand how I can have good days and bad days. He doesn't understand how I can be great one moment and dying the next. Recently my BEST friend decided that she couldn't handle my stuff and her own. That tore me apart. I'm hoping that once her life calms down that I'll get her back in my life. I really miss her.

I don't really know what else to say. Endo has taken so much from me but it has also given more than I ever imagined. I have met so many wonderful people and strengthened many relationships. It's weeded out the friends that weren't real.